Power Struggles

Power struggles! I am sure that every parent out there has experienced pure joy in dealing with their little angles when a control issue arises! We all experience these challenges with our children, typical developing or not.

First of all, human beings like to feel like they are in control of their own life. This starts when a baby reaches the age of 2. This is why it is termed the "terrible two's" because these little people are beginning to challenge all of the authority around them. They are trying to control their little world...the best way that they now how. Often times this results in melt downs, temper tantrums, screaming, kicking, biting or all of the above. We also are quick to recognize that when a baby is 2 years old, they have limited verbal communication skills, if any at all.

Now, for parents that have children diagnosed with ASD, this might remind you of daily occurrences with your child! This is termed as behaviour in the Autism world and would be documented if the child was in therapy or attending school. In therapy terms, it would be tracked using these: Antecedent, Behaviour and Consequence. These "terms" exist every time that behaviour exists, whether a typical developing or developmentally delayed child.

Here is a break down:
Antecedent: this is the event, activity or environment that took place prior to the behaviour
Behaviour: this is the meltdown, crying, screaming, kicking etc,
Consequence: this is the result that takes place after the behaviour or sometimes during to try and reduce it

It is extremely important that this information is known, to be able to understand how to handle, and teach a child to respond in a more favorable way. Many of these "behaviours" are caused because the child can't communicate their needs appropriately. They also sometimes behave this way because they can! If there is no consequence for inappropriate behaviour then the child will repeat or sometimes even escalate the behaviour. Sometimes this is just attention seeking behaviour and will be encouraged if treated incorrectly.

This all sounds very technical and challenging. Challenging it is and can be...for all children (and parents). They key is consistency and follow through. If you say NO...mean it and don't give in, no matter what! That means all the crying, screaming, biting in the world isn't going to change your mind. This is how you build trust and consistency with children. It means that you love them. You are giving them the tools that they need and deserve to survive.

Power struggles will happen...it is how YOU as a parent/teacher handle them. The child will learn by your behaviour and what you do.

 We need to change our behaviour first, before we can expect a child to change theirs.

I hope that helps!